Tag Archives: family

Were You There?

It was my turn,
to watch over you that afternoon.
I was in the chair next to your bed,
when the nurse came to check on you.

I was aware fluid was building in your lungs;
a sign death was coming.
When the nurse said it was likely
to happen that night
I was taken aback.
The certainty was voiced
by another with quiet assuredness.

I sat frozen in the moment
I wanted to cry out like a child
“no you can’t go!”
Instead I broke down crying.

The call to my sisters
Was fraught with emotion
“come now, it’s time”

I prepared the room
for their arrival.
I talked to you
as I moved furniture around.
Explaining Jean would want to
Sit close to you
I hope you heard.

Death is not what I thought it would be.

Death washed over you
peacefully, silently.
You’re breathing softened;
to nothing.
Your heart was as
defiant as you were in life
coming to a resounding final rest.

Silence filled the room
wrapping its soft arms around us,
as our grief filled our souls.
I bent over to kiss your cheek,
It was cold and pasty.
It was then I realised you had passed much earlier
than we were aware.

Were you there, watching on
Mothering the living?
I hope you were there.


Karmic Ruin

Mothers beware
Your maternal sins
Bide their time
As sons grow into men
The role of dutiful son;
the singular fatherly inheritance
His masculinity a life long performance
Of karmic violence
Without mirrors
There can be no reflection
No understanding
No compassion
Bitterness unleashed
On the old frail woman
Bewildered and hurt
Unable to challenge or run
She can only sit and absorb
The volcanic eruption
He cannot see
Ageing insists
The woman before him
Be understood differently
Without memories
She is not the same
Each sunrise is new
What happened in the past
Is the past
To understand this
Is to let go of the ruin
And forgive


That Moment

That  moment
the truth is known
the hurt cannot find expression
in words or tears
filling my being
the hurt leaches out of my pores
dismissed, disposed, discarded
the words scaring my body in self harm
but there is no relief 
only more pain
I came with open heart and gratitude
not seeing their masks
I brought the beans
I left unknowing I never existed
I have little in common with these people
so why should I care?
          because they’re family



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