Journal – A close call

I almost made a terrible mistake. The mistake would have been becoming re-involved with a past lover. It didn’t work the first time for sound reasons; we are fundamentally two very different people. I’d conveniently forgotten about those differences in trying to get through underlying anxiety of being single. I was at the point of saying “yes I can give this another go” we planned spending time together and taking a road trip at Xmas. Then like a bombshell my memory kicked in and everything came to a screeching halt. I don’t like who she is. I don’t accept the way she treated me or my daughters. Nothing has changed. I’d rather remain single than enter into something unhealthy purely out of loneliness. Loneliness is a state of mind. I have recently chosen to be believe i’m lonely and the quiet anxiety I sometimes feel is a child of this self perception. If I created the whole situation then I can also dismantle the situation. That is exactly what I will do.

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